My journal

So I decided I wanted a space on my blog to be a bit more open, a separate page from my blog to talk about non beauty related subjects, idk, a bit of a diary for me to witter away!

I hope you enjoy reading about my mediocre boring life

clo x

23/02/2017

I was thinking of doing a blog post around the idea of a 'old photo tag', the concept would be that you upload some pictures of your teen years but then I wasn't sure whether it was a good idea, or if I was just stuck in a daze reminiscing on the past and wanted a reason to share my not so old pictures; I decided to compromise and upload them in my journal instead, so here goes.

 

 

 

 

Pictures are so important to me, I have endless amounts of photo albums full of pictures that are probably meaningless to everyone else,  I cherish them with all my heart... how many memories would I have forgot if I didn't capture the moment?



 

4/02/2017

Today we viewed the house we will shortly be moving in to for the first time, I am so excited to have a fresh start in a new town with the people I love the most...even if it does mean I will have to have a serious de clutter!

I haven't posted a lot lately as honestly not much has happened, I was mainly working my Christmas temp job in my local Boots store which has improved my confidence an insane amount, I also visited Oxford street for the first time and got spectacularly drunk on Christmas eve.

Something I have improved on since we last spoke is my fear of the cinema, (which I know sounds ridiculous but its something that used to genuinely terrify me after the cinema shootings in America as I have death anxiety.) I have been so many times over the last 2 months and even get excited to go now...mainly for the Tango ice blasts though I do have to admit!

I hope you're all well and that 2017 has been as good for you all so far as it has been for me!

 

 

 

11/11/2016

Today is remembrance day, something for which I hold very close to my heart.

 

 

As a child (all though primary school and up until year 8) I would spend my weekends and October holidays selling poppys with my granddad in garden centres and super markets. My granddad is a war veteran and was a baby in the first world war, after the war he then spent every day of his life working and providing for his family up until a few years back.

My granddad has had 8 heart attacks and 6 stokes since 1996 as well as currently having Pneumonia so can no longer work (obviously!) but he doesn't just sit around feeling sorry for himself, no, he still spends every ounce of his precious time volunteering as chairman for The Royal British  Legion, as well as offering help to the best of his ability to anyone who needs it, whether he knows them or not, regardless of their past.

My granddad has received the best help we could ever wish for and honestly without the help he's received I don't think he would be with us today, he struggles to even get out of his chair without getting wheezy and out of breath so being provided with a wheelchair, wheelchair compatible car and a stair lift has changed his life completely. I know it will mean a lot to him as well for me to mention that not once did he ask for any of this help, nor did he ever think he was owed or deserved it and will be forever grateful.

My granddad's dedication to helping anyone who needs help getting whatever they need is something that inspires me every single day.

I'm wittering on now but I just wanted to share my story as to why the Poppy appeal is so important to me and so many other people out there, so please, if you get chance today then go out and buy a poppy and wear it with pride, because I know I will be.

 

 

23/10/16

Big news guys... I've only gone and booked a holiday ain't I!! If you know me personally you will know I absolutely adore whales, any sort, I am just mesmerised by them but never in my life thought I'd ever see one...that was untill I realised you can see them less than 2 hours away in tennerife. Like literally as soon as I found this out I was on Thomson and had booked a holiday within an hour, which in hindsight probably wasn't one of my best ideas, but I'm SOOOOO excited and I'm so excited to document it with you all! I've brought a go pro and will try and vlog it all!🌻

 

19/10/2016

I'm so excited to be writing this entry because its all good news, for once!

Ok so first, I figured out a way to complete my college course but only doing half the hours I used to do which means I will still get a qualification, woo!

I ALSO GOT A JOB! I mean considering how much it took me to even hand in my cv I am so proud of myself, I never thought id be able to have one over on my anxiety to be able to go to a interview but  the lady said they were so impressed with me and rang back not even half an hour after I left! This may sound so silly like 'oh yeah hey the 20 year old adult got a job, aye gold star' like I know but if you know me you'd know how much of a big deal this is for me. I start on the 28th of November and am so excited to start this next chapter in my life.

 15/10/2016

I don't know if I'm writing this post to help someone else in the same situation out, or if I'm writing it to try and justify my decision to myself,  but what I do know is that I want my blog to be personal and truthfully, I want to be relatable and honest. writing what I'm feeling is a way I have found to cope with my anxiety because after all,  a problem shared is a problem halved...

With my anxiety it takes me absolutely everything to build up the courage to do something even something as simple as ringing up the doctors to make an appointment I have to plan out on my head for a week before hand, evaluating every single outcome and possible situation.

I say this because I finally feel like I'm at a point in my life where I've got the courage and feel like I have it in me to go out and work, which Is something I've been building up to for 4 years.

 Never before in my life have I been able to be like 'yeah I'm gonna apply for jobs' and not be having a breakdown over it, god yeah I've cried don't get me wrong, but I'm not crying because I'm scared or I don't want to do it, I'm crying because I just feel a little lost, a little nervous, but the excitement I feel over ways the nerves and no matter how upset I get, I still don't doubt my ability to do it, which is a big thing for me.

I guess I just know myself enough to know that what I'm feeling now will not last, if I don't take this opportunity and continue on with the course than by the time I finish I may have no motivation and be terriers again, anxiety is so unpredictable and I am not in charge of my own emotions or way of thinking, hence why I think it's so important for me to take the bull by it's horns why I feel like I can.

I have been in college from the age of 16, I've completed 2 college courses and a year of my current one, I got into the comfort of being in college and just pushed working to the back of my mind, and if I'm completely honest, I only done another  college course to avoid getting a job, I wanted to see how much longer I could put it off for because I absolutely dreaded it. My college course is a 2 or 1 year course, but if you sign up for the 2 years  and quit half way through then you don't get anything, I have completed my first year and had  one year left.

I picked travel and tourism as  I enjoyed the subject, i absolutely love the aviation industry and I did genuinely want to learn about it, but I  never intended to do this course to get a job in it, because like I said, I was terrified of getting a job as it was all so new and scary to me,  I just found it interesting.

When I quit my course half way though it meant that I didn't  get the qualification or any credit  for the work I have completed and honestly it's literally ok, because I've still learned about the course which is what I wanted to do, I have still completed a year of that course, just because I don't have it on a price of paper it doesn't mean I'm worth less or know any less than someone who did just  the one year course and therefor has a certificate.

Most importantly,  I'm 100000% sure this is the right thing for me to do, if you follow me on twitter or keep up with my blog you may have seen that I've been feeling low recently, well since making the decision to quit  I already feel so much happier and motivated like a weight has been lifted And I think that just says it all. I'm aware what a shame it is to not be credited for a years worth of work, but the excitement I feel to finally go out and earn a wage and start my life over ways that loss.

my mental Heath will always come over any education, and if you're reading this in a same situation, than yours does to!

'We are put on this earth with nothing, we leave with nothing, it's what you do in-between that counts'